The Vow: A Ward and Simmons AU
by cassielouwho
Summary: One year that Jemma Simmons and Grant Ward knew each other before they started dating. Another year past by till he popped the question. Two years that they've been married. And one night to forget it all.**I own nothing**
1. Chapter 1

Jemma had always prided herself on her knowledge. It was what she relied on, what allowed her to function. Now, she wished she didn't know so much. That she didn't rely on it so heavily. Or that her brain would shut off, stop whirling around possibilities and statics. She couldn't stop pacing the waiting room either, her fingers twirling the ring on her left hand.

"Jemma, please, sit down for a bit." Leo's voice broke the strained silence that had fallen over the team.

"Bloody hell!" She snapped at him, "He barely had a heart beat! He wasn't breathing! He was shot mul-"Jemma couldn't finish the sentence as she let the sobs that eluded her finally come. Leo pulled her down onto the chair besides him, his arms wrapped around her.

'I know Jems. I know, but Ward is strong, he'll be ok." Leo reassured her, though they all knew Ward was in tight spot.

For the next hour, Jemma let the team fuss over her. Someone pressed a hot cup of tea in her hands, and she was grateful for the hot liquid. Leo was rubbing her left hand. It hand gone numb during her pacing and the awkward position she held it. Coulson fussed over her till she ate, Skye helped her wash up and change into a familiar sweat shirt that belonged to Grant. May's silence was helpful, and the few words that she had spoken calmed Jemma down. Her brain was shutting off, the information circling out. Sleep wasn't an option, though the rest of the team was winding down, it was almost two in the morning after all.

"Coulson, just sleep already. There's no use in all of us being exhausted." She said to her boss, who kept nodding off just to jerk himself awake.

The next few hours she spent twisting her ring over and over again, lost in old memories.

* * *

_"__I love you." His words came out of no where, shocking her into dropping her cup of fresh tea._

"_W-what?" Jemma questioned, her voice just above a whisper. He took a step closer._

"_I love you." Ward confirmed. "I love you when you drink your tea with that little look of yours. When your reading a book, total blank face, till you read something and grin like a fool. And I love when you get excited over something science related. And I suck at stuff like this, I suck at being happy, And stop grinning like that Jemma! Your not helping. The point is," He said taking her chin in his rough hands, "I love you." Her response was swallowed up by his lips sealing against hers._

* * *

Someone nudges her shoulder, and Jemma blinks a few times before adjusting to being awake. She didn't realize she fell asleep. Her mind jumps to Grant. How long was she asleep? What was his status? A billion questions demand to be answered.

"He's out of surgery, we're getting him settled in the ICU right now. The bullet wounds didn't cause as much harm as we expected. But the blunt force trauma he suffered, paired with the time with out oxygen, it doesn't look promising. Brain function could be compromised. He's in a medically sedated coma till his brain function is as it should be." The doctor's words were a lot to take in, but she knew what it meant. It meant that even if he woke up, Grant could be very different.

It was another hour till she could see him. When the reached his little section separated by curtains, it was hard to control herself from rushing to him. It was hard to keep the whimper from escaping her lips when she saw him. There was a nasty bruise on the right side of his jaw, and an equally brutal gash at the top of his for head. He looked so broken, her Grant who had always been strong. He was hooked up to many so many machines, the wires all tangled up around him. Jemma took a seat in the chair besides him. She took his rough hand in her own. "Hey." She whispered. "You're going to be alright. You have to be alright."

"Please, Grant." Jemma was close to crying again.

She closed her eyes instead. Grant needed her to be strong. The tables were turning, their positions were switched.


	2. Last

Jemma watches the nurse carefully take out the stitches out of Grant's head. It's been a week, and certain parts of him are healing up on their own. His bruises have been fading too. His skin returning to it's usual color.

"How are you, Mrs. Ward?" The nurse says looking over at Jemma who's been curled up in the chair by his bed side for most of the week, his hand still grasped in her own.

Jemma shrugged at the nurse. She wasn't used to being called Ward. Most times she was still called Simmons. Jemma had chosen to hyphenate their last names. There were too many achievements tied to Simmons that she wasn't about to cause confusion with by changing her last name. It was actually Grant's idea.

* * *

They were curled up on the couch together. Grant was reading another book. Though, it wasn't one given by his S.O like most books he read. He was reading Pride and Prejudice. Yes, stoic agent Ward, was reading Pride and Prejudice. It was Jemma's favorite book. She felt obligated to make Grant read it. He resisted at first but in the end Jemma had won out.

"How's it going?" He asked glancing up from his book, his lips brushing her ear.

"Slow." Jemma answered. "If you keep doing that, I'll never finish this damned paperwork."

Ward peeked over her shoulder. "Your stuck at the last names." He pointed out, which earned him an eye roll from her.

"Yes, I am Captain Obvious. I just don't know what to do." She sighed. " I want to take your last name, I really, really do. It's just...I've been trying to make myself known. I wanted Simmons to be known in the science community. I got my PhD's with that last name. They won't just go away because of a name change. It just woul-"

The rest of rambling was cut off by Grant's lips. He had a habit of doing this when she launched into rambles. Jemma never complained. A few times she'd just ramble pointlessly just to get a kiss from him. She was sure he knew that, but if he did he didn't say so.

He pulled away with a smirk playing at his lips. "I think you should take my last name and keep yours too. Best of both worlds." He said with a smile.

* * *

The nurse came over and patted her shoulder, muttering something about how it gets easier, before leaving Jemma in the silence broken only by beeps. Her ears were used to the constant hums of machines. Most time she welcomed the comfort that they brought, but these didn't bring any comfort. These machines only reminded her that Grant was human. His heart could slow, his breathing could stop, any number of things could happen. And Jemma hated it. Jemma hated knowing she couldn't help. She hated that she couldn't disappear into the lab and calculate a solution. She hated feeling useless.

"Hey, Jems! Brought you some food!" Leo's voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

Jemma smiles up at the familiar figure holding up a paper bag. She glances over to Grant's still body. Jemma doesn't like leaving, but she does need to eat. She stands up, and presses a kiss to his forehead.

"Don't wake up without me."

Jemma drops the noddles into her mouth. Fitz asked her a question, but Jemma doesn't want to answer. Jemma doesn't want to even entertain the idea.

"He'll wake up." Jemma answers him rather stubbornly.

Leo sighed. He's taken most of Jemma's frustration. He had to deal with her crying, and her anger. He was the one who took it all, and didn't complain. "I'm not saying he isn't going to wake up, Jemma. It's been a week. That's a long time. He could be a very different when he wakes up."

"He will wake up! He will be fine!" Jemma storms out of the cafeteria, leaving Leo alone at the table. Everyone keeps telling her that. She knows Grant may be different. But he's her Grant. He's always been fine. He's always been strong. This isn't Jemma's place. She didn't know what to do if he wasn't ok.

After that her interactions with the team disappears almost completely. Fitz is her only life line really. He calls twice a day, morning and the night. Leo makes sure she's eating, and asks each time about Ward. Jemma wishes she could say he was doing better, but his condition remained the same. It remained the same till the six day in the morning when Jemma missed Leo's call. Jemma was sitting in one the waiting rooms. They had wheeled Grant off to take another CT. They took a lot of them to check brain function.

Usually when the doctor returned, who ever it was didn't smile. This time the doctor was smiling. "We have good news." He announced taking the seat next to Jemma.

"We've been waiting for higher brain activity from Ward before taking him off of the sedatives. We'd like to try it today. It's been almost two weeks, and his brain activity is high enough. With that said you need to be aware we have no idea how his brain was affected. Motor skills, movement, memory loss could all be effected. The memory loss is what we're worried about the most. He's a field agent, we don't know if he'll remember working at SHIELD at all. We do, however, have protocols for when this happens. We'll cross that bridge only if we have to."

Jemma can't wipe the smile off her face. She knows the odds aren't the best, but just to see him awake and whole is worth it. The nurses and doctor busy themselves accordingly, and Jemma takes up the seat by his side as usual. Again, his hand is taken in hers.

"It may take an hour or two. Just be patient." A nurse retreats to the back of their make shift room to keep an eye on things.

It's a long hour and a half for Jemma. Knowing he'll wake up, but not knowing when is eating her alive. There's so many questions that pester her to be answered, that can only be answered by him waking up. Waiting gives her time to think. It isn't a good thing. Jemma thinks in the worst possibilities. The doctor was right, memory loss is a very real possibility. She's starting to nod off again, when she feels the slightest of movements in her hand. Jemma jerks herself into a more up right sitting position, and leans closer to Grant. He's not awake yet, but he's getting there.

When his eyes do open, she has to restrain herself from doing anything, from asking if he's ok, from kissing him. He has to come to on his on as much as Jemma hates it. Jemma watches as his eyes absorb every detail of the room like she's watched him do on missions so many times before. It looks different, and she can't place why. Then his gaze settles on her, and he looks confused. And it worries Jemma. He should not be looking like that, like he's never seen her.

Jemma smiles, and decides to keep it simple. "Hey." She wish her voice didn't shake as much as it did.

"Who are you?" His voice is rough, but even so it's not his. If anything it sounds like the Ward she first met. The agent who didn't want to be part of the team, who thought Fitzsimmons to be one person.

A tear rolls down her cheek. "I-It's me, Jemma. I'm...I'm your wife." She whispers, because she's scared. Jemma's scared that he doesn't remember. She's scared and her voice is shaking, and even more tears are threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

"Wait-so we're married?" He asks.

Jemma lets the tears go. She lets them roll down her cheeks because he doesn't remember. Her Grant doesn't know her and it hurts. "Y-yes."

"How long?"

That's when Jemma realizes the date. She realizes how cruel the world is, how someone so close seems so far away. "Two years-today." Jemma whispers, because saying it any louder will break her more than she's already broken.

She doesn't remember leaving, doesn't remember walking. Jemma just knows that she does. She realizes she left the hospital when she's knocking on a familiar door. When Leo opens the door he's not given time to say anything, Jemma's sobbing into his chest. "H-he doesn't r-member me!" Jemma chokes out between sobs. Leo rubs her back, but doesn't say anything. And Jemma sobs. She sobs because her love is gone. She sobs because Leo Fitz was right.


	3. Auntie

Jemma spends the night curled up by Leo's side drowning out the world in Doctor Who episodes. She manages to sleep at one point. When she wakes she's surprised to see Leo gone. Though, what was she expecting? She had pushed everyone out, things weren't going to return to normal just because she was crying the night before. Jemma didn't want to go back to the hospital in SHIELD. She didn't want to see the eyes who belonged to her husband that didn't hold the same warmth, the same love as they once did before. It's the simple fact that he could remember that helps Jemma pick herself off of Leo's couch and decide to actually go. For better or worse she reminded herself. But did that still apply to someone who couldn't remember saying them in the first place?

When Jemma arrives to the all to familiar section of beds that Grant's been for the past two weeks she panics. His bed is empty. The machines that spent the time with him are gone too. There's no sign that's he's going to be returning to the bed any time soon. Every trace of him is gone.

"Where's Grant Ward?" Jemma demands of the first nurse to pass by. The nurse leads her over to the nearest computer station.

"He's been moved to a private room." The nurse answers her after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

Jemma frowns. She never made a request to have him moved. And even so, she should have been notified. Once she's given the room number, she makes her way down the quieter hallway. It's almost possible to forget this is even a hospital. There's less nurses, no sobbing over a loved one in the corner, no shouts for a crash cart. At least that will be away from her ears for a while, because with Grant's work, those sounds remain a possibility.

Her heart stops when she rounds the corner and sees two all to familiar figures sitting on the bench. Their blonde haired heads turn in unison to her footsteps. "Aunite Jemma!" They sequaled.

Jemma bent down with her arms open for them, and the biggest fake smile she could manage, because seeing Grant's nieces broke her heart.

Every Friday, sometime during the evening, Grant would disappear into his bunk and would not return for at least an hour. Jemma wasn't sure if the others noticed this like she did, but if they did they never said anything. When she first asked about, after their six month of being on a team together, the question was ignored. When they started dating, the question was still ignored. It frustrated Jemma to no end. A few times she jumped to conclusions that he had someone else, but Fitz talked her out of that one. Jemma came to the terms that she wasn't going to know.

It was their eighth month of dating when Grant revealed the truth to her. She had been on the couch rereading older files about known super human serums and developments. Jemma looked up in surprise when the files were snatched out of her hands.

"Bloody hell! You could have just asked for them you know." Jemma said glancing up to see Grant above her. He didn't offer a reply, just pulled her up off the couch and pulled her behind him to his bunk.

"You know," Jemma pointed out as they settled themselves in cuddling sitting position on his too small bed. "If you wanted cuddles, all you have to do was ask." She reached up and kissed his cheek.

"Ewwww! She kissed uncle Grant!" Jemma whipped her head around to find the source of the kid's voice. How had Jemma missed the laptop with the blonde three year old sitting on someone's lap? A someone who looked a bit similar to Grant, just a few years younger.

Grant laughed, before his expression eased into a gentle smile. "She's kissing me Katie, because she's my girlfriend."

The rest of the evening passed by in laughter and smiles. Katie was three, and his niece. The man was in fact his younger brother, and after every one was introduced he announced they were expecting another baby. Jemma didn't think she'd seen him so happy before. Most Fridays following him, Jemma joined him the weekly video chats. She quickly became auntie Jemma to Katie.

They were older now. Katie was now six, and her sister little Amelia was three. Jemma looked up at them when they pulled away from the embrace.

"Auntie Jemma, is uncle Grant going to be alright?" Katie asked her green eyes huge and brimming with tears.

"Sweetie." Jemma sighed. "Grant's going to be fine. The doctor's will fix him up." Jemma wish she believed the words herself. He'd be fine, the physical part would be at least, but what about mentally? What if he never remembered her? What if she wouldn't be fine?

She peeked into the window that showed inside of Grant's new room. He looked so much healthier already. Jemma spotted his brother immediately. She didn't expect to see the next person there. Coulson's presence worried her. Why was he talking to him so soon? Jemma let out a frustrated sigh. So many things were happening with out her involved, and Jemma hated.

Instead of dwelling on the left out feeling that was settling in her stomach, she turned for the company of her nieces. She rarely had the chance to see them in person, and even though this was a far from ideal situation it was company nonetheless. For the hour or so she was in the company of her nieces, Jemma smiled. It wasn't the fake ones she was beginning to plaster on so easily, but real. Her eyes displaying the light behind them like she used to smile. Her fingers paused inches away from the door handle. Could Jemma talk to him with out breaking down? Turning tables, she reminded herself, she had to be strong. He needed her even if he couldn't remember her. Grant looked healthier already. Of course, he was still hooked up to those machines that Jemma despised, but he was sitting up and alert. He watched in silence as she sat by his side as she usually did.

Grant broke the silence first. "You were right. About being married... They knew you, they called you auntie." He looked pained to almost say it. "I... I'm sorry, but I don't know you. I can't remember you. I..."

"I know." Jemma sighed. "We'll talk later." With a bit of hesitation, she leaned over to kiss the top of his forehead. She wanted to properly kiss him, but even just the forehead kiss was risking it.

Jemma practically ran from the room. It hurt to see him. He looked like Grant the once knew. He looked like the Grant she had hated. The one she met who didn't believe in a team, who wanted things simple, who hid away his humanity. His human side was the best. To see Grant smile and laugh, well it was magical. And she missed it, him, already.

She twists her ring nervously while keeping an eye on Grant. They were finally home to their small two bedroom apartment in the city. It was a few blocks from SHIELD, if they weren't working under Coulson they probably wouldn't have gotten the apartment. The apartment was an odd shape, the smaller half of a trapezoid, but they both loved how it opened up to their kitchen and dining room, with two bedrooms and a bathroom off to the side. The two outside walls were lined by a beautiful terrace, they used to just watch the streets sometimes. She should be happy that he's home, she is, but Coulson's words weigh on her shoulders.

* * *

"Simmons." He says quietly as he takes the seat besides him. "As you know," He continues, "Ward's memory was tested this morning. I'm sorry, Jemma. He remembers up to the week before the team was pulled together. He has three months of recovery time. You need to spend it with him, you can work from the HQ in the city. We need him to remember. We need both of you, we don't want..."

Jemma sighed and filled in what he was neglecting to say. "You don't want to reassign us, or one of us. But if this isn't fix, we'd mess the team up."

"Jemma, that's not what I meant!" It's too late, she's already walking away. Jemma has her orders.

[AN: I'm not happy with this chapter. If I don't post it now it won't get done at all. Basically, she has to get Grant to remember or at least reestablish their relationship or buh bye biospecialist . Warning- your feels will be provoked from up coming chapters because it's basically like they never happened, but it did, so yeah problems arise.]


	4. Pictures

Many people- the gossiping girls at SHIELD- are quick to assume that Grant and Jemma's relationship is the polar opposite type. Most people fail to see the similarities between them that lend their relationship to that of the same being type. Yes, field operative and bio-chemist are quite different, but in a tiny way they go together. Brawn and brains. It's just a bit harder to recognize. Their work ethic is the most similar. The way they analyze, see, and act. The same natural instinct to protect their team, each other.

It's been over an hour since they've been home. To keep herself from hovering, she planted herself down on the couch in their living room. It functioned as a dining room too, with the small four chaired table behind the couch, but it was really only used when Leo or Skye, sometimes both, were over. Countless photos line the walls, and Grant's been examining each one. She gave up trying to explain them the first five minutes in. He didn't want to be disturbed; that much Jemma could tell, though he was back to wearing that mask he wore when they first met. Unlike her, Grant was quiet when he observed things. His eyes would focus on certain details before darting away to something new. He kept quiet too as he watched, barely reasoning aloud, and talking when the information was vital. Jemma was the complete opposite, though their eyes moved in a similar way- searching before focusing, and then searching more. She mused aloud too, drawing out possibilities till settling to a point that could have been spoken earlier.

As they grew to knew each other, a bit before they dated, she found she could read past the mask he plastered on his face. The mask of calm and collected, like he had it all figured out. Little did he know his eyes always betrayed him. She noticed this on a mission once while watching him examine the gun shots in the wall before him. It was like seeing the gears click and whirl; one thought jumping to the next. Then as they dated, Jemma felt like she humanized Grant in away. The progress now lost in an instant. He was always laughing, and smiling around Jemma. He'd joke and make faces like he never wore such a mask. That such a mask didn't exist in his closet. Jemma thought it as humanizing because it rarely occurred with someone else, but she realized she was wrong. It took some time, but Jemma realized it was like dusting off something. The shine was always there, just sometimes it needed help to be truly seen. The better term, she realized, was rediscovering the long lost humanity of Grant Ward. Always there; just a bit forgotten. Forgotten by the ones who didn't know better, who didn't know that Grant wasn't strictly a field agent, but an actual human being with just as much emotion as the rest of them.

Jemma was used to having something to do, regardless of the situation. Though, she did in a way have something to do. Watching Grant and deciphering his cryptic looks was something to do. Jemma didn't want to though. She wanted to watch Grant with a smile on his face, something that hinted that she wasn't dreaming all of this up. That they were actually married for some time, and that it's not her imagination giving her a false sense of reality. She pinches herself just to check. She's not dreaming. This is her life now: watching someone who you love and not knowing that if they could love you ever again. Grant feel in love with her once. Could he do it again?

Another hour passes of Grant staring the wall away, and her eyes burning a whole in the wall besides him.

"Your quiet." His voice makes Jemma jump.

"Well, I see your still capable of creeping up on me." She let out an unsteady laugh which is greeted with a raised eyebrow from him.

Jemma sighed, she was going to have to explain a lot. "You used to sneak up on me all the time, worst moments too." She laughed as a few instances popped into her mind. Again, this was met with another eyebrow.

They spent the rest of the day like this. Grant kept looking through pictures, and he kept his questions simple. He didn't want a whole run down of their relationship. It became a sort of game. Grant would study a picture and try to name the person or people in the picture. He didn't really remember the team, but by the evening he could at least name them and recognize them from picture to picture. It was start nonetheless.

Jemma pulls the pictures closer to herself so she can put them back away. "We can do this again later." She explained. "It's getting late; you need your rest. Do, you uh, want to sleep in the bedroom or in the office. We have a bed in their." Jemma added, explaining before being asked by him too. "Skye used to live in her van, so when were "home", she stays with us."

Grant, nodded, though he kept staring at her. Jemma couldn't quite read it. For a moment she was confused, and then Jemma couldn't think, because Grant was kissing her. It was so easy for herself to get lost in his familiar touch, the lips her own knew so well. The logical part of her brain was screaming that this was all wrong. The largest part won out, the part that wanted him, the part that needed Grant Ward.

Jemma wakes in the morning wrapped in secure strong arms. Lying like this it's easy to forget what happened. It's easy to pretend that they got home, without company, and celebrated a safe mission. Still, the logical parts argues that last night wasn't the best idea. But sleeping him was familiarity. And this, this feeling? It was great, wonderful even, because it was normal. So why, with tis happiness inside her, does she feels so guilty?


	5. Tangled

Jemma lingers curled up and tucked against Grant's side for twenty minutes. She doesn't want him to wake up like this. The doctor said to be slow with things. That got completely disregarded last night. Might as well attempt the easiness, the slowness order now. Breakfast is slow. Breakfast is normal for everyone. And cooking and baking has always calmed Jemma down. The repetitive movements drown out her voice in her head. She cooks breakfast on autopilot. Allows her mind to empty of everything. Wishes for the guilt to float away too, but the guilt stays in her mind. The only thing that reminds Jemma that Grant isn't really her Grant. That it can't, may never be, the same. Worse than that, Jemma feels guilty. She keeps focusing on her relationship with Grant and not on helping him recover. He needed help, and here Jemma is worrying over the fate of their marriage. When did she become so selfish?

"I must have loved you." Grant's voice says from behind her. It catches Jemma off guard; she almost drops the tea she was bringing to meet her lips.

His statement, observation, what ever that was, is met with silence. How does Jemma respond to something like that?

"What I meant to say." He speaks up again. "Is before what happened I think I loved you. I can't remember, at all, Simmons. But all those pictures. I looked happy. And so did you."

Jemma sips her tea. Loved. It rings in her ears, drowns out everything. She keeps silent, keeps sipping on her tea. Loved, it should never be loved. Unless, it's referring to the moment when you fell in love with someone. And Grant's not referring to that. He's referring to a past that Jemma desperately wishes he could remember.

"Ok." She says shakily. "Uh, I made the usual eggs and bacon. Uh, I'll leave you too it." Jemma watches him find a cup, and fill it up before sipping it cautiously. She doesn't have the heart to tell him its tea. He never liked tea. It was strictly coffee with him.

* * *

Grant's nose wrinkles after he takes his first sip. Jemma laughs at his reaction. "It's just tea, Grant."

"It's horrible." He sputters.

Jemma shakes her head. "No, your horrible." She smiles again when he drops a gentle kiss to her forehead. These our her favorite times: curled up together with the tv. And the fact that she finally convinced him to try tea only makes this moment better. "Here," Jemma says taking his tea. "I'll make it better."

Grant inspects the tea when she brings it back to him. "I added some lemon and sugar." Jemma answers before he can ask. He raises an eyebrow, but sips it anyway. Jemma can tell he doesn't like it as soon as the cup leaves his lips. His nose crinkles up slightly again, but he tries to not show his distaste. "I'll get you coffee next time." Jemma declares as she settles back against his chest.

"You don't have to do that, Jemma." He tells her. Jemma ignores him. "Anyway, what movie did you choose tonight?"

"Tangled." Jemma answers. She can hear his eye roll. "What?" Jemma asks in defense. "I haven't watched it yet. And Leo fell asleep already."

"Nothing." He laughs into her hair. "It's just, you have a Disney fetish."

Jemma snorts. "What the hell is a Disney fetish?"

She could feel him shrug his shoulders. "I don't know... You just seem to like Disney stuff. The bots for one."

Jemma raised an eyebrow even though he couldn't see. "You know the bots have names?"

Grant laughed. "How could I not?" He asked before lapsing into the voice that never failed to make Jemma laugh. "Besides, I'm agent Grant Ward, I notice everything about my team mates. I notice that Jemma has very kissable lips." He added before placing her tea on the table to keep them from spilling it. Grant kisses her properly this time.

Jemma doesn't pull away, normally she would in this situation. They're in one of the lounges on the bus. They've been doing their best to keep this a secret. May, Coulson, and Skye are in the city observing a person from the Index. It's not high risk, so Coulson told Grant to stay here. With Fitz sleeping, and the others gone, they decided to take the advantage of alone time. Plus, watching a movie is fairly normal among all of them. As long as they're not caught cuddling, that could cause problems.

They break their lips apart when the movie starts. Jemma ends up with her head in his lap, his hand running through her hair occasionally before settling back on her shoulder. She realizes early on that Grant is actually watching the movie, not just merely watching it to amuse his girlfriend. He laughs along with her. More of the quieter scenes, he places a kiss or two on her forehead. She loves that. And when she's tearing up, ok she's crying, he's tearing up too. When they get their happy ending, Jemma's head is being shifted by Ward.

Jemma gives him a quizzical look because she can't talk. Her lips are occupied by Grant's. A blissful sigh is cut off by him. It must be uncomfortable for Grant, being hunched over the way he is. He pulls up his knees, but the angles are all wrong. Jemma lets out a small whine of complaint when his lips leave hers for a second.

"Too uncomfortable." Jemma mutters, pulling herself up into a sitting position.

"Ditto." Grant laughs, sitting up himself, his back making an uncomfortable popping noise.

When they're situated, Jemma straddles his hips. Jemma would never do this. Not with any one. Not with any one of her few previous boy friends. But it's just them, and she really wants to. Grant makes a face of surprise, which Jemma quickly cuts it off by kissing him. Kissing him, she could get used to it. She could get used to him.

She doesn't know how long they spend like that. It's long enough for their kisses to become hungrier. It's easy to forget where they are. It's _almost_ easy to forget they're on the Bus.

"Ward! Simmons! Office now!" The sharp angry voice sends Jemma jumping away from Ward.

"Ha! Totally called that one! There was no way they weren't hoo-" Skye's cheer is cut off by a stern look from Coulson.

* * *

They eat breakfast. They don't talk about last night. Grant doesn't bring it up himself. Jemma wants to forget that she did. It wasn't appropriate on her end. They barely talk at all. They clean up quietly. It's all too quiet. Jemma's always used to some sort of hum apart from the sound of machines and cars outside. She needs noise, from talking or music, she needs some distraction.

Jemma settles on the couch with her laptop. She puts on some random music, and busy herself with emails and such. She's been gone from SHIELD and the world too long. Grant sits on the floor besides her and flips through more photots.

It almost feels normal. Almost feels right.


	6. Human

"Is it always like this?" Grant asks after a few hours of nothing, but music playing between them.

"No." Jemma answered shaking her head. "Not always. Rarely." she adds laughing. "Leo and Skye are usually here. So it's either she's laughing, and Leo and I are bickering. Or some combination of the two. And your usually glaring at us all if your working. Most of the times you join in, though. What?" Jemma asks when she notices he's staring.

"It's just..." He sighed. "You seem so happy. I just don't understand how you could love me."

When people make those kind of statements, they say them for the pity. They say them for attention. Not Grant. He says those words because he truly doesn't understand. He's said them before. Whispered them with tears in his eyes that's he's too stubborn to let spill out.

Jemma doesn't hesitate to push her laptop aside, to push the pictures he's examining aside, and kneel in front of him. Be strong, she reminds herself, that's what Grant needs. That's what they both need. This is what she's always done when he's said those unwanted words. His memory loss shouldn't change that. Jemma takes his head gently in her hands, dips his head down, and kisses him softly and slowly. She kisses him like she always does. These kisses, these slow and gentle, we-can-slow-down kisses, have always centered each other. They have always reminded the other that they need each other.

"Don't say that. Please." Jemma whispers.

"I-I don't know how to not say it Jemma." He answers, confusion swirling in his eyes. "I'm not kind. I'm not loving. I've killed people. I kill people, Jemma. That's not right. It's not right for you."

"Don't." Jemma warns. "Don't, because you are not cold. Your guarded around people, around threats, but you are not cold. Ok? Sometimes you shut people out. Sometimes you let people in. Your human. Grant, you don't see it, but your human. We both are."

"How do you know?"

"You let me see it. You let me in." She answers. "And because you have always been there for me."

* * *

It's been three days since it happened. Since Jemma jumped out of the Bus. Since Ward and Fitz saved her. It's been three days since Jemma's slept properly. The first two days it didn't show. Maybe it was the left over adrenaline in her system. Though, it was more Jemma didn't want to worry people more than she needed too. She didn't need more prying eyes, and more eggshells being broken as people tread carefully around her.

It was easy to keep it hidden. She'd leave the lab with Fitz around the usual time. Eat, before killing time in her bunk. Then, when no one could disturb her, she'd entertain herself in her lab with no one to bother her. No one to bother her except Ward. He seemed to be keeping an ever present eye on her when he attacked his punching bag across the cargo-bay. He never said anything. He never said anything till the fourth night.

Jemma stumbled over her feet, dropping the glass tube she was carrying. It shatters, ringing out across the quiet lab.

"That does it, agent Simmons." Ward's voice surprises her as she's being pulled up from her crouched position on the floor.

"Wha-? What are you doing?" Jemma mumbles, her voice slurred.

"Forcibly removing from the lab, and putting you to bed." he answers.

"But...but my samples." She complained. "I'm in the middle of an exper-" Her words cut off to a squeal when Ward lifts her up and over his shoulder.

"You can do that later, Simmons. In the morning. You need to sleep."

Jemma's too tired to fight back. He's surprisingly gentle when he deposits in her bed. He even takes off her sneakers; thankfully she's already in her pajamas.

"Ward. You don't have to sit and wait for me to fall asleep." She protests when he sits in the narrow space between her bed and sliding door of the bunk.

"I know." Is all he says.

Minutes tick by with Jemma's eyes closed. She doesn't sleep.

"The thing is," Jemma says as she sits up. "I can't sleep."

"Scoot over." He says kicking off his shoes.

'What?"

"You heard me."

Jemma should be protesting to the warm, sweaty, body pressing against her. She has to turn over on her side to make room for him. Jemma hates that she fits perfectly against him.

"Normally, you go to Fitz for this sort of thing when you can't sleep, don't you? But you don't want to worry him any more than you do. That's very admirable, Simmons. You protect him; you tried to knock him out so he wouldn't have to see you jump. Good thing it didn't work. Or we wouldn't have been able to save you."

Jemma lets herself snort slightly. It shouldn't be funny. It becomes a sob. "I'm afraid... I'm afraid that if I fall asleep that I won't wake up. I'm afraid that I'll be stuck in and endless loop of falling." She admits.

A protective arm wraps around her, and pulls her closer to Ward's chest. "It's alright." He murmurs into her hair. He repeats it till she stops crying. "Tell you what, I'll hold you while you sleep. I'll wake you up if your having a nightmare. I'll make sure your still breathing, alright Jemma?"

Jemma closes her eyes and nods. "Thank you, W-Grant." She sleeps soundly that night, wrapped around Ward like she was once he caught her. His arm is still around her when she wakes up. No one questions why two people stumbled out her bunk that morning.

* * *

They sit like that for a few hours. Grant kisses her forehead when she offers to get take out. Jemma smiles. It feels right. It feels like nothing ever happened. She wishes nothing ever happened.

Jemma returns a half hour later with a warm paper bag in her arms. She smiles when she sees a familiar coat hanging up on the rack. Skye's here. Good thing too, Jemma has a bad habit of buying too much food in case some one else joins them. If not, they get left overs. It's a win-win situation.

"What the bloody hell?!" She screeches, the bag dropping to the floor, rice scattering everywhere. The scene in front of her is wrong, all wrong. Skye's straddling his hips, kissing his lips, and it's all wrong. They spring apart when she screeched.

"Jemma!" They both shout after her, but she's already to the converted office, already locking the door behind her.

* * *

Shaky fingers fumble to press the play button on the remote. She shouldn't be crying over this, shouldn't be crying over the activity happening over in the room next to her. In fact, Jemma should be happy, overjoyed, thrilled, that the team is in a hotel with separate rooms. A much needed break from cramp quarters. Some people didn't get that memo. Worse of all, Jemma feels like an idiot, like a crushed school girl. Jemma was crazy to think that Ward liked. She turns the volume up till she can't her the moan coming from the other room.

* * *

"Jemma." Skye sighed against the door. "You can't lock yourself up in there forever. Look, I'm sorry." Jemma doesn't answer. "I'll let you watch a Doctor Who marathon on the Bus when you get back. No complaints from either, no snide comments."

"Jemma." It's Grant this time. "It's my fault. She didn't kiss me. I kissed her. I'm sorry." he added. "I don't know. I just got-"

"Confused." she finishes for him.

"Yes." He says quietly.

Jemma unlocks the door. Skye hugs her instantly.

"Jemma. I'm sorry. I really am. It's my fault. I shouldn't have been here at all. I should have called."

"Just don't, don't do it again." Jemma sighed. Skye nodded like a puppy.

"I'm sorry." Grant repeats, he looks like a kicked puppy.

"I know." She reaches up to kiss his cheek. "You were confused. It's alright. After all, you did hook up once with Skye before we became a thing. Somethings just repeat themselves I guess."

Her statement is met with a laugh from Skye. "You thought we hooked up that one night?"

"You- You didn't?"

Skye laughed harder. "No. I got as far as pulling his shirt off, and then he gave me the huge this-is-inappropriate-I'm-your-SO-speech. Which, I faked moaned through just to annoy him."

Jemma smiled. "Ok. Uh, do you want to see what we can salvage from the mess I made?"


	7. I do

{ An: Before I forget, a.) thanks for the follows and reviews, b.) if you have any flashback ideas feel free to send them my way}

* * *

"Your mad." He points out.

"Not now, Grant." Jemma sighs, taking the plate that he hands for her to dry.

"It's my fault." He adds. "It's not exactly fair to you that I went kissing your best friend."

Jemma holds up her hands. "Stop, Grant. You really don't want to start this. And Skye isn't exactly innocent in all this." Ok, she was, kind of. Jemma saw straddling, when there in fact hadn't been any. Jemma didn't see Skye trying to break free of his lips. Instead, Jemma saw one of her fears.

"Why not?" He asks not to taunt her, but out of a curious clueless mind.

"Because, my bloody husband just kissed my best friend. And it's alright in some crazy sense!" It comes out in a snap. It comes out angrier than she expected.

"It's not alright." He sighs. "My memory loss is not an excuse, that I can use, or for you. It's not alright, but it brings a question to light."

"And the question is?"

"A divorce." It's a statement not a question.

She nearly drops the plate she's drying. "Excuse me?"

"I think… I think a divorce would make things easier.

"Easier?" Jemma repeats. "Easier? Nothing about this is easy Grant! It was not easy seeing you not breathing! It was not easy to see you hooked up to machines! It was not easy to see you dying in front of my while I couldn't help! It was not easy seeing my husband wake up and not recognize his own wife!" She shouts. "It_ is_ not easy! Not at all. A divorce may be easy for you because you don't know what you'd be leaving behind, but I do. I do, Grant. Those words were supposed to be final." She whispers. "For better, for worse...in sickness and in health." Jemma whispers.

"Jemma..." He whispers.

Jemma shakes her head. "I just need to think."

* * *

"So, you're saying that's it?" Her voice cracks.

"I," Ward pauses. "I am." He sighs.

A tear slides down her cheek, which she wipes away as secretly as possible.

"Please, Jemma don't cry. This sucks, I'm sorry, it really does."

"It sucks? That's what your saying about all this? _Sorry, Jemma, I know we only spent the last three months trying to be together and keep it too our selves, but hey. no big deal when it's found out. I'll just says it sucks and move on!_" Usually, her mocking brings laughter, sadly not this time.

"Jemma, do you realize how dangerous this is? For you, me, the whole team? The bad guys, they use these type of things to hurt us, to hurt you."

"Oh, this isn't some bloody spy movie!" Jemma shouts.

"Your right, Jemma! It's not. This real life!"

"Fine, I won't endanger you any more agent Ward. You won't have to worry about me any longer."

"Jemma, please."

She shakes her head. "It's agent Simmons."

* * *

A divorce. His words circled around her mind, infected every thought. Everything between them feels just so worthless, useless. It hadn't exactly been easy for them. Just dating had broken so many protocols. Jemma wasn't one to easily break rules, but she did for him. Coulson had tired to put a stop to it too. His reasoning had been very similar to Grant's; maybe that's where Grant got his points from. In the end, he allowed it to continue because they're separation brought too much of an imbalance to the team. Those two weeks weren't easy. Everyone, though stubborn to admit it, took sides. Would they take sides again?

Grant leaves Jemma be. He used to never do that. If she was upset, he'd be by here side. Often it was his strong arms wrapped around her bringing security and comfort. Sometimes it was just him being there, where she could touch him, where he was always in reach. It takes an hour for Jemma to come up with a decision. He's in the living room again.

"No."

He looks up from the picture in his hands. "Huh?"

"No." Jemma repeats. "No divorce, not yet."

"Not yet?" he questions.

Jemma nods before continuing. "Coulson, already gave me an order so to speak. Three months is all I- we have to figure this out. Whether things go back to normal, or we still end up together; we have three months to figure that out. And if for some reason this doesn't work out at all, then...then we get a divorce."

"Are you sure?" He asks concerned.

"No, not really, but it's not fair for either of us. I don't want to force you into this. If your going to be married to me, I want you to love me. Not just pretend because you woke with wife by your side. I don't want to be an obligation."

"And I don't wish to be yours either." Grant adds.

"So, it's settled then."

"W-what are you doing?" His eyes seem to almost bulge out of his head.

Jemma leans her head against his shoulder, her legs draping over his, before she clicks on the tv with the remote. "It's Saturday." She answers. "Meaning: cuddles and movies."

"Ok, but um, there's a perfectly good empty spot _next_ to me." Grant protests, the authority in his tone when he's in agent-mode edging its way in.

"I know, but a key word in my previous statement was: cuddles."

"Ok." He sighs, Jemma wonders if the arm sitting on her knees seems to hold her a bit tighter. Maybe it's muscle memory. Maybe it's her reading into things. "What movie did you pick?"

"Tangled." She smiles.

"Jemma, stop worrying about me. I'm perfectly fine of spending some time by myself." Grant said from his position of leaning against the bedroom door frame.

She finished buttoning up her shirt before she spoke. "I know. It's just you haven't been alone for over twenty minutes before. I don't want anything to happen."

"Your going to lunch with Skye." he stated. His tone suggesting it was final. "Are you sure I was her S.O because half the things that come out her mouth are ridiculous. There's no way she is capable agent."

Jemma rolled her eyes. There were some things he couldn't accept. "Don't be rude." Jemma chastised. "She's a level one agent, Skye's come a long way."

Ward sighs, giving up on the lost cause. "I'll call if I need something. Enjoy your lunch."

"Hey, girlie!" Skye greets standing up to hug Jemma. Jemma smiles into the hug. Though, she is worried about Grant being on his own, it's nice to not be hoovering by his side.

"Thanks for this. I think I needed it. Plus, Grant was more than happy to get rid of me for a bit."

"Oh, don't say that Simmons." Skye said shaking her head, and sitting back in her seat. "But, you have been a bit over protective. You do kinda smother..."

Jemma laughed. "I don't smother. Don't be ridiculous." Skye raised an eyebrow at her. "Ok, so may I smother a _little_."

"How is he?" Skye asks, her voice taking on a more serious tone than usual. Grant became her closest form of family; she's been just of worried as Jemma when Grant got shot. She's been by Jemma's side the whole time.

Jemma sighed. "I don't know. He's alright physically, but mentally? I have no clue. It has to be hard on him. I just wish he'd let me in a bit more, but this is Grant before he opened up to people. It's a wonder he's putting up with me at all."

"Do you think he's going to remember?" Her eyes were big a wide like a child's.

"I..I don't know Skye. There's too many factors involved. He lost a lot a blood, and experienced head trauma, and what happened had to be traumatic. Those are things that the brain tries to forget sometimes-"

"Jemma, stop." Skye cuts her off. "I know, science and reason gets you through things, but now your torturing yourself."

"I know, I just want him to-"

"Remember." Skye finishes for her. " We all do, Jemma. So how has it been between your two?"

The waiter saves the day, stopping by to take their order. It gives Jemma a chance to decide if she'll go on and tell Skye about the possibility of their divorce. She decides to tell her.

"He wants a divorce." Jemma answers flatly.

Skye's eyes widen. "He whats?" Her questioning shout brings a few curious glances from others eating their lunch around them.

"He wants a divorce." Jemma repeats, if she has to say it again she might just lose the little self control she has left and break down. " He and I do ,a bit anyway, think that it may be easier, and a wiser choice."

"Easy, Jemma? Nothing about you two has ever been easy! Why does that make a difference now?"

"Because he doesn't remember those times that weren't easy. And, maybe I don't want him too."

"Jemma, your are not just throwing your relationship with Grant away."

'Who said anything about throwing my relationship away, Skye?"

They were interrupted again when their drinks , thankfully, arrived. Skye took a sip of her soda before speaking. "I know it sucks. We all know it sucks, but you are not just giving up."

"I'm not giving up." Jemma said back defensively. "We haven't even got the proper papers together. We both decided that if it doesn't work out between us in three months, then we'll get the divorce."

"So, in December instead of celebrating Christmas, you'll be sobbing over a missing stocking?"

"Skye! Stop being so ridiculous! I'm not saying we're getting a divorce. I'm just saying that it's an all too real possibility."

"Ok." Skye sighed. "Just try, ok? You guys are too cute together to just give up."

Jemma laughed at that. "I think we'd make the cutest babies."

Skye snorted. "Yeah, like that's ever going to happen."

"It might have, you know." She shrugged. " I mean we were thinking about it, about trying."

Skye held up her hands. "As much as your theoretical babies would be cute; I don't want to hear about your trying. I draw the line about hearing my S.O's sex life."

Jemma smiled. "Fine, fine." It was good to be with a close friend again.


End file.
